


the dumbassery of dads

by singularitory



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Crack, Fluff and Crack, Gen, M/M, Multi, Platonic Relationships, dont take this seriously, fuck u maggot, meaning VERY background markhyuck norenmin chensung luwoo yuwin, taeyong has too many kids, this literally isnt funny its just weird oops, with mentions of background ships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-06 20:07:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16839502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singularitory/pseuds/singularitory
Summary: Taeyong forgets to buy one of his sons a Christmas gift. He drags Johnny, Taeil, Doyoung, & Kun along with him.





	the dumbassery of dads

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kwonbagel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwonbagel/gifts).



> so before you start reading (or if u even do idk), here are some things to know. 
> 
> taeyong has seven kids: yuta, ten, jaehyun, donghyuck, jaemin, jisung, & yukhei
> 
> doyoung has two: jungwoo & jeno
> 
> taeil has two: sicheng & chenle
> 
> kun: renjun
> 
> johnny: mark
> 
> oh and also, yukhei is indeed a human in this. please dont ask questions i have no answer whatsoever

Johnny isn’t quite sure how he got here.

One minute, he’s comfortably lounging across the entirety of the couch (which is unfortunately too short), and the next, there’s a tight grip on his ankle, dragging him across the house, through the door, and somehow into the car. He’s not exactly sure how Taeyong did it. Especially while screaming for Kun to lock Yukhei’s cage, for Doyoung to grab the car keys, and while looking desperately around for Taeil.

Anyways, Johnny’s now uncomfortably cramped in the back seat of Taeyong’s Honda Civic (while he drives under the goddamn speed limit), squished against the unfortunate holder of the middle seat, Qian Kun, who looks prepared for death. Doyoung sighs audibly from the other side of Kun.

Taeyong’s complaining in a too loud voice about how Donghyuck and his brother, Jisung, are always sneaking off to go meet with their boyfriends, Mark and Chenle.

“Don’t worry,” quips Doyoung from the back seat, “Chenle might not be around much longer. I forgot to lock Yukhei’s cage the other night, and I caught him trying to eat Chenle. ’Twas pretty amusing.”

Taeil looks worried about his son, while Taeyong only nods thoughtfully, face solemn as he focuses on the road. Only for a second though because some asshole driver decided to pull right in front of him.

“Are yoU fUCKING kIDDING mE?” Taeyong screams at them, effectively destroying any semblance of calm he had.

This time Johnny and Doyoung sigh in unison, awaiting their arrival to the mall.

=

“Honestly, how the fuck did you forget to buy Christmas presents for your kids? It’s literally the 23rd!” says Taeil, widening his eyes for dramatic emphasis.

Taeyong whips his head around so fucking fast that Johnny’s surprised he doesn’t get whiplash ( ~~shawty give me whip, whiplash~~ ).

“Not all of us only have two kids, Moon Taeil. Some of us somehow managed to acquire seven. Seven fucking children. One of _yours_ continues to take _my_ Yuta’s attention. Meaning he’s never at the house anymore, instead always with Sicheng. Meaning I fucking forgot I had another son, okay,” he snaps. Taeil just ducks his head in embarrassment. Kun laughs silently behind him.

“Can we please get this over with?” Doyoung questions. Johnny grumbles his agreement.

And off they go, into the wilderness of the mall.

=

A few hours later, they managed to all regroup at the food court, unaware of the barren tables all around.

Taeyong’s counting off on his fingers, mumbling, “Yuta, check. Ten, check. Yoonoh, check. Donghyuck, check. Jaemin, check. Jisung, check. Hm, who am I forgetting.. Oh!” - he snaps his fingers, startling the others, - “Yukhei, check.”

Taeyong glares at the other parents. “Your kids better have been good boyfriends and gotten my sons gifts, or I’m letting Yukhei have them.”

“Jungwoo would be fine with that,” Doyoung mutters. Upon seeing Taeyong’s glare intensify, he quickly continues, “Yes, of course Jeno got Jaemin and Renjun,”- he adds with a pointed look at Kun, - “gifts.”

Kun nods. “Injunnie spent hours deciding which fuck you mug to get for both of his boys.” Johnny can’t help the laugh that escapes him. The TY Glare is immediately redirected. Johnny’s sure his frame shrunk perceptibly.

“Don’t worry,” Johnny laughs nervously, “Mark adores Donghyuck. I’m sure he got him something good.” (He knows his son only got Donghyuck a plush Minecraft sheep and a Pumba sticker.)

Taeil sticks his nose up pretentiously. “Sicheng and Chenle went shopping six different times, making sure they had the perfect gift.” Everyone knows it’s a Toys R Us giftcard.

Just as Taeyong is about to retort, the mall lights suddenly flash off, shrouding the entire shopping center into darkness. The five of them jump up, rushing to the exits, only to find them securely locked.

“Oh my god,” Johnny says at last, “we got locked in the fucking mall."

=

At first, they attempt to call their dumbass children. Except, the dumbass parents forgot to bring their phones in the haste to leave the house earlier. And of course, all the stores were locked with their customer service phones (that are never fucking answered) inside.

So they decide to take another route.

And yes, that means taking the chairs from the food court and throwing them as hard as possible at the mall doors and then proceeding to sprint towards the car, bags in tow, before the police arrived.

Somehow, the iconic Honda Civic managed to get home successfully, with all the kids’ gifts thrown carelessly into the trunk.

Taeyong put the car in park, turned around, and immediately starting screaming.

“FuCK wE FORGOT KUN!”

**Author's Note:**

> there u go, maggot. (my friend & i swapped genres and are suFfErING)


End file.
